"Simon," River announces into the ante-caffeinated silence at breakfast that morning, "I think
I should investigate masturbation."
The silence goes silencer. Like the room had been sucked inside out into vacuum the instant
she finished her statement. Then Simon makes a noise that can only be described as a whimper,
and buries his face in his hands. Jayne lets loose with a whopping guffaw, and Mal clears his throat.
"I don't rightly expect that's exactly a proper topic for breakfast conversation," he says. "Or
dinner. Or for that matter, any gathering of more than just you."
"She's just curious," Kaylee says, glaring him down. "It's past time for a woman her age to take
an interest in her body. Right, Inara?"
"It most certainly is." Inara rises gracefully from the table and holds out her hand. "But perhaps
the captain is correct in that this discussion is best for other places. Come with me and Kaylee, River."
Kaylee bounds up, latching onto River's wrist, but by the shine on River's face she don't need any
urging. They all three scamper out the door without a backwards glance at the men they've left
shell-shocked.
Wash and Zoe arrive a few seconds later. "Did we miss something?" Wash asks, but Zoe only shrugs.
Jayne laughs, Mal goes back to drinking his coffee, and Simon...
Simon keeps on whimpering.